Coping with stress

Waiting to achieve pregnancy can be extremely stressful and frustrating. You may find that your mood swings from day to day, between hope despair, depression and anger. ‘why should this happen to me’. ‘Where did I go wrong or missed it’ Many people find their own ways of coping with the pressures and disappointments, but generally we would advice on the following:

Understand the extent of the problem

You need to know that what you are going through is life crisis. This may probably be one of the hardest situation, you will ever face. It call to question the most fundamental expectation, you have for yourself, your body and your relationship. It is not unusual to feel a sense of loss or to feel helpless and overwhelmed.

Educate yourself

Read as much as you can, and do not be afraid or ashame to ask questions. This is particularly important when dealing with infertility and assisted conception, because the technology is complex and changes so quickly. Talking with your doctor and understanding your options enables you to make informed choices.

Keep your perspective

Fertility has no guarantees. Try to maintain an open mind while considering your options.

Do not blame yourself

Negative thoughts only make things seem worse. When you start feeling like ‘what should have’ or ‘what could have been’, try to remind yourself that few fertility problems are entirely one partner’s fault, in terms of what the person did or did not do. Many problems are entirely determined by inheritance, and many others by multiple factors, related to the couple as a whole. So try to concentrate on the present and the future, and how you and partner are going to manage the current situation.

Maintain your emotional partnership

Do not allow yourself to take it out on your spouse. There should ‘no blame game’ or ‘name calling’ rather help each other by sympathizing with each other. Try and be sensitive to each other’s emotional needs, and you will find that this will strengthen your relationship.

Decline invitations to baby focused activities

If certain gathering or celebrations (such as baby christenings or birthdays parties) are too painful, give yourself permission to avoid them. Your friends and family will understand.

Get support

Talking about your feelings is therapeutic. Do not isolate yourself. Finding others who are going through the same thing can help you see you are not alone and that your feelings are understandable.

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